The One About David Hon and His Dumb Article

It seems as if I am writing more and more of these responses than usual. Perhaps it is because there is a general increase of idiocy floating across my awareness than usual. Yay internet. Anyway, this most recent example is this oh-so-valiant article written by journalist David Hon, chronicling his reasons for not wanting to date a Feminist.

Mmkay. Let’s go with that.

Even though there is just so, so much to unpack with this one, I am going to address one element which seems to continue to raise its ugly head, the one continuing misunderstanding about Feminism, which is mentioned in the very first sentence of the article.

“If you look for a reason to hate men, chances are you’re going to find it.”

-David Hon

Let’s ignore for a moment the fact that one can literally replace the word ‘man’ in this sentence with any noun and it would still work. Go ahead. Try it.

“If you look for a reason to hate hats, children, television, squids, bananas, motorcycles, Facebook, religion, eggs, Ghostbusters, round earth theory….. chances are you’re going to find it.”   

See? It works with anything. He did not stumble across some great secret tenant of feminism. Sorry.

But the truth is, and it is really, really sad that this even has to be explained, feminists don’t ‘hate men’. That is a diversionary tactic and quite an old one at that. There is so much information out there about what feminism stands for that not getting it reeks of ignorance.

In all actuality, we love men.

Love them.

You know why? Because the men that we surround ourselves with are awesome! These are the men who get it, who hear what we have to say, who recognize the inequalities surrounding us (all of us) on a daily basis. These men will change a diaper with the same skill and mental prowess as they would use to change a tire. These men know that taking care of their own children is called ‘parenting’, not ‘babysitting for mom’.

These men will hold a door open, but not because of patriarchal expectations of chivarly, but because they happened to be in front. They will not only watch the movie, but maybe even shed a tear when the dog dies. They will read the thing and talk about it after. They will acknowledge the culture of objectification surrounding women and little girls, the patriarchal gender norms which damages all children, girls and boys. They notice how difficult it is to find a Black Widow action figure to go with their son’s collection of Avengers toys. They realize how difficult it is that their partner can’t walk to the library without getting harrassed.

It is because of the existence of these men that we know bad behavior is not somehow inherient to male-dom. It is because of these men, that we know it is possible to function in the complex state of existing-while-human, to encompase traits of empathy without compromising one’s masculinity. (or compromising it, if that’s your thing).

When we draw attention to the inequalities surrounding us, we are not saying ‘We hate men’. We are saying, do better, and we are holding you accountable because we know it can be done. We know you can do better, because we are surrounded by those who do. Not only is it possible, but it’s also not all that difficult. I mean, look around.

Daniel Radcliffe gets it.

John Legend gets it.

George R.R. Martin gets it.

Joss Whedon gets it.

Even Sir Patrick Stewart gets it.

And perhaps most importantly (to me anyway), this guy right here gets it.

Free Comic Book Day 2016

In conclusion, it has been my experience that we as a culture are more prone to demonizing those who point out inequality, than we are to take a moment of self-reflection, examining in what ways we might be contributing to the problem. Furthermore, if you have a vocal outloud feminist in your life, congratulations. You made the cut. If not… well. I’m sure that’s purely by choice, right?

 

An Open Letter to the Guy Who Unfriended Me Over Ghostbusters

Yes, I’m talking to you now, but don’t think it’s because you are special in any way. I’m singling you out, even though you conducted yourself like nothing more than a common internet troll, because once upn a time we were friends, real-life, face-to-face friends. Something I assumed to still be true, right up until the moment you unfriended me. Over Ghostbusters. I want to be clear, I was perhaps a bit stunned at first, but I have long since moved past that, since you have so clearly shown your true colors.

Prior to that moment, I made the obviously erroneous assumption that we operated on an equal playing field. That if you commented with brash boldness, that I could reply with brash boldness. If you began name calling, I could reply in kind. After all, it’s all in good fun, right? You posted to my wall, and I posted to yours.

I’ve posted about a lot of things on my Facebook timeline. Some of it had to do with feminist stuff. Some of it has to do with fandom. I’ve posted about Star Wars. I’ve posted about Firefly. I’ve posted about the Dark Tower movie coming up staring Idris Elba. I’ve posted about how people are outraged that Rowland is cast by black actor, Idris Elba, when it is assumed he is white in the book. I’ve posted about the outrage aimed back at the original outrage. I’ve posted about how the media skews headlines to meet an agenda regardless of what the truth may be. I’ve posted about #blacklivesmatter. I’ve posted about Bernie Sanders, and Hillary Clinton, and I have even stated that I think we might face another holocaust if Donald Trump is elected. I have posted about lots of things. Yet, out of all these things, it is Ghostbusters, Ghostbusters! Which pushed you over the edge.

For whatever reason, the presence of a post about Ghostbusters seemed to offend you to the point of mouth-foaming frenzy. You claimed that “we” made this about “us” (Us being feminists, I guess?) Even though it is wildly documented repeatedly across the internet that this movie, much like other movies with female leads, was targeted by anti-feminist groups.

You stated that if something is to be equal, then men must be included too. Okay, sure let’s examine that for a minute. Women make up 50% of the population of the planet. That’s half. That means there are an equal amount of women existing as there are men. You with me so far? Good. Yet, they only take up 30% of speaking roles in movies. That is out of a survey of 7000 characters out of 300 movies, and only 15% in lead roles. So we’re still seeking that elusive equality of which you speak. This is of course, ignoring the fact that men were “included” way back in 1984 when Ghostbusters was released starring an all male cast.

 

“Circle, circle, dot, dot! Now I got my cootie shot!”

If by chance, you were referring to being included in the discussion itself, you were plenty included in that as well. You began with the name calling and the accusations. When I responded to them, (see above) you then claimed that I was incapable of responding to a critical discussion. I am fully capable of that.

 

You, however, did not invite critical discussion. You name called. You posted pictures of phallus-shaped objects. You insisted that me and my friends show you our vagina because all feminists are all about showing off the vag, you said. (Why do people think we have some kind of hive mind? We are not bees.) You called us fat and ugly (an outdated and, quite frankly, lazy attempt at insult). And yet, you said I was the one incapable of critical discussion.

And then, when things got too hot to handle, you shared my post to one of your other accounts, which I guess you forgot I was following. This prompted the beginning of the threatening language from your friends, followed closely by the unfriending. After all, I assumed a level playing field. Guess not.

All this becuase I posted stuff akin to what I usually post. A little bit of fandom. And a little bit of critical discourse. Why did that bother you so much, I wonder.

What is even more laughable is you actually used the sad argument that this remake ruined your childhood. Ruined. Your Childhood. That’s some serious gravy right there. You marked yourself when you said that. You claimed solidarity with all the legitimate trolls who flooded Rotten Tomatoes, IMDB, and other sites to bash and downvote the movie before it was even released. It is one thing if someone watched it and legitimately did not care for it, but to go out of your way to sabotage a film which may not pander directly to your market is nothing less than that of a little boy throwing a fit and nailing the “no girls allowed” sign on his tree house

.

“Except Mommy”

 

This may be tough for you to understand, what with having the majority of media represent you in a positive light and all, but the new Ghostbusters was made just as much for you as the old one was made for me.

Take that in for a moment. If that makes you feel left out somehow, then welcome to the club, brah. Think about it.

No one excluded you… except you.

For the record, I enjoyed the old Ghostbusters. Why? Because I possess the capacity to idenfify with characters who exist in a different demographic than myself. Women, minorities, gay people, trans people are constantly exptected to look to the white teethed CWM manly hero types as the driving force. In fact, if we want to take part in a fandom we kind of don’t have a choice in the matter. So when we do get a snippet of representation, we get a little bit happy. The playing field is not level. Not yet. So stop pretending it is.

Meanwhile, I’m going to enjoy my fandom. Just as outloud as I do any other fandom. Not participating in any way is an okay option for you. I genuinely wish you well. Sadly, I don’t expect the same from you.

 

“Let’s bust some Ghosts!”

 

 

The One About David Bowie

I ask for so little. Just fear me, love me, do as I say and I will be your slave.

Ah, yesterday the King of the Misfits’ returned to the stars.

Today I have regained the ability to form sentences to some degree. Grief sometimes makes no sense. We were not friends. My daily routine is not affected in any way by the loss of this icon. My husband is still here. My children are still here. I am in relative health. So it would make sense that my seven-year-old son should ask me why I am crying.

“There is nothing upsetting happening right now…” he claims with some puzzlement.

You are right. It’s just a reminder. That is all.

A reminder that sometimes a person can be touched by a moment, something that can change a person, get in deep and under the skin, becoming part of who you are from that day forward. Art in many forms can transfer that meaning between people who have never met, and who never will. It is for such a moment that I want to remember you by, Mr. Jones.

I remember sitting in my high school bedroom, listening to the borrowed vinyl “Space Oddity” being mesmerized by the sadness of the lyrics as if he were speaking directly to me. Just coming out of the super saccharine sugary lyrics of 80’s pop radio, and not yet cresting the cultural horizon into the 90’s grunge scene, I began to realize that there is sadness, there is heartache, there is that strange weakness within us to sometimes want to take that step from the safety of one’s tin can, to float in a most peculiar way. And that sometimes feeling that way was okay…  

But that is not the moment.

There are people in the world who seem to be born to performance, who hold within them a spark, a light which draws to them the eyes of every person in the room. Call it charisma, charm, beauty, inner light. Whatever it was you had it. Through the course of your career you embodied the ageless, the magical, as you did playing the iconic Goblin King in the movie Labyrinth.

For anyone living under a rock since 1986, “Labyrinth” is a magical tale of a young girl who accidentally wishes away her baby brother to the realm of the Goblin King. He appears and commands her that she must solve the imposing maze to save her brother, or the baby will become one of his goblins forever.

But the Evil King was no monster. Your performance of Jareth embodied everything that could tempt a young girl into turning away from her task at hand. You were beautiful, brimming with power, magic, glamour, pretty boubles, sparkling enchantments, the promise of castles, dresses, eternal devotion. And then…

And then…

You became defeated by an ordinary girl.

This was a benchmark moment for all of us ordinary girls watching, when Sara uttered those now famous words, “You have no power over me!”

It made a difference that you were so dynamic, so magical, so charismatic, so powerful, so strong…

But Sara was stronger. And becouse of that moment we all became stronger. And the defeat in your eyes as she spoke those words, breaking the spell. We knew it was true.

If Jareth had been played by any other actor it just would not have worked. Anyone else would have come across as just a man wearing eyeliner and a wig, but you, sir. You stepped into it, as you did with every character making it fully realized. You brought with it every nuance and beat, the bricks which build a performance. You never hesitated.

You became the Goblin King. Larger than life.

And for that I thank you… Rest well, Starman. Until we meet again.

 

Walking Dead S6 E2 Review (JSS)

Let’s take a ride, and run with the dogs tonight
In Suburbia
You can’t hide, run with the dogs tonight
In Suburbia

Break a window by the town hall
Listen, the siren screams
There in the distance, like a roll call
Of all the suburban dreams

–Suburbia, The Pet Shop Boys

Okay, so my post is late this week, but I’m going to talk about this episode anyhow.

It starts out with a little bit of exposition about the mysterious Enid. We know she had been “on the outside” just like Rick and his marry gang, but other than that… So within a few minutes we find that her parents had fallen prey to a hord of zombies. Enid had somehow managed to escape, and we soon discover that she is a quintessential survivor.

She is seen eating the insides out of an unlucky tortoise with her bare hands, forming with the bones the letters “JSS”. What does it mean? Viewers want to know.

So back at Woodbury Alexandria Carol is once again fooling everyone with her Betty-homemaker act. More on that later, because Carol will kill you in your sleep (with a smile on her face. You know she will.). So as she calmly readies her casserole for the oven and sets the egg timer, she glances out the window and sees Mrs. Niedermeyer enjoying a smoke outside of her home.

So all of us viewers are settling in for a calm exposition episode while we wait for the arrival of the incoming zombie horde from last episode. Aaah— OH MY GOD! MRS. NIEDERMEYER JUST GOT A MACHETE TO THE HEAD!!!

And it just got real. The Wolves have arrived!

We had seen glimpses of them last season, but not much about them so far this season. Here comes yet another group of thugs who have gone a little bit Apacolypse-Crazy. Too bad that Rick, Daryl, Sasha, Abraham and Michone are out of town right now. Never fear Carol and Morgan are here!

I am really starting to enjoy the dynamic between these two. They both have complicated pasts that they keep well hidden. They are both far more complex then they let on, and they will both take you down as soon as look at you. Both of them strike me as the few of the group who can and will survive on their own should anything happen to the group. Morgan will hit you with his stick and Carol… well, just don’t mess with Carol, mmkay?

Jesse had a star moment when she had to step up and protect her family and home from the intruding Wolf. With one child hidden in the closet and the other wandering in from his shenanigans outdoors, Jesse stepped up and went all Mamma Bear. I can’t wait to see more badassery from her. Plus she established early on that she considers Rick to be a “friend”. Happy dance to see where that goes. (teehee).

I want to at least mention Deanna’s decision to stay outside of the town walls when the Wolves attacked. The scene between her son and Maggie could have been seen as a cowardly move on her part. I think she made the right decision in that she is FINALLY starting to realize that she is way out of her depth. “I would be just another person who needed saving.” Once the dust settles Alexandria will need its leader and someone to nod and vouche when Rick gestures around the fallen town and yells “See?!” with Carol and Michone casting a challenging glare over the crowd. .

The over all winning scene for this week’s episode happened towards the beginning in the pantry between Carol and Mrs. Niedermeyer. (This is paraphrased, since I don’t actually own a copy of the script.)

Mrs. N: If only I had one of those pasta makers, we would all be eating like we lived in Italy.

What she is actually saying: I have skills that can make your life better. 

Carol: I can show you how to make pasta by hand, but only if you stop smoking in the house. It’s a nasty habit.

What she is actually saying: I have more skills than you. Plus you are self-sabotaging your survival and I’m getting really tired of you and your people acting like every moment of every day is not a fight for your very existence but continue to pratter about in this play town like the zombie apocalypse is not happening all around us. I can work wonders with this casserole but I can only do so much to save your sorry life. Cookie? *grin* 

Brilliant.

There was SO MUCH going on in this episode, and I know I have not touched on all of it. Not to mention the fact that all the while there is this tension undercurrent that a huge zombie horde is just RIGHT THERE!!! Triggered by the moron who crashed the truck into the look out tower. (Plant the peashooters because the ZOMBIES ARE COMING!)

I have a feeling we are going to be graced with a Carl episode sometime soon, because the very last scene involved him finding a note from Enid with the answer to the question we have all been tearing our hair out over. She left him a small note, unsigned written in black ink…

“Just survive somehow.”

Aaaaw.

Jem Watch 2015, the video.

So this was released a few days ago.

Oh, live action Jem and the Holograms movie, you never cease to disappoint. I have already waxed on about how the plot of the original cartoon has been stripped to the bones and then put through a blender poured out and preformed shaped product. They took filet mignon and turned it into Spam. I have already dissected the plot elements here. Go check it out.

My first thought was that if the movie is as terrible as it seems maybe the music is good. There might be some pop gems that rise to the surface as some kind of saving grace. After all the majority of the cartoon was cheesy-fun music videos featuring Jem and the girls traveling the world, fighting to save Starlight House, or facing off in a battle royale against the Misfits. If the above video is any indication, this new movie is sadly lacking in dynamic music as well.

Nothing against the talent of these young girls. I have seen Audrey Peebles in other venues and she is a fine performer in her own right. In this video she just looks bored. (I’m looking at you Production Team!) Maybe it is because the audience is full of extras and she knows that the cheers are not genuine. Maybe she is trying not to externalize her reaction to the cringe worthy sleepover karaoke antics that they have the girls doing on stage. In the original cartoon the girls actually PLAYED the instruments, instead of flouncing around in front of random other people.

Jem and the Holograms are supposed to be the only ones on the stage, because they DOMINATED the stage. I can’t for the life of me figure out WHY Universal has stripped this movie of everything that appealed about it. Time and time again audiences had proven that a strong female lead CAN carry a movie. Have we learned nothing from Mad Max: Fury Road, The Hunger Games, Divergent?

I don’t know what they are thinking, but every time I read a plot summary of the new movie it is unrecognizable. IMDB describes the plot as follows:

“As a small-town girl catapults from underground video sensation to global superstar, she and her three sisters begin a journey of discovering that some talents are too special to keep hidden.”

Let’s compare it to the plot summary of the original.

“Jerrica Benton is secretly the leader of the glamorous and exciting music group, Jem and the Holograms.”

In just these few words one can already see the difference. Universal has taken a character and pigeon-holed her from a dynamic active participant in charge of her own fate, to one that is passive. She “catapults” , literally thrown into stardom. “Journey of discovering”, internal and emotional. The cartoon describes Jem as a “leader”, “glamorous and exciting”. The thing is, children watched the original show because Jem already knew who she was. None of this namby-pamby find yourself nonsense. Plus the added dynamic of having to face off against Eric Raymond and his band of evil Misfits, with the added pressure of trying to save a house full of foster children. All of this paired with the recent loss of her father, and any teenage girl would have crumbled under the pressure.

Jem did not.

She rose to the occasion and she looked good doing it. There was not internal struggle about “oh can I handle being famous” or “oh should I betray my sisters and go solo”. No. The previews so far show this portrayal of Jem crumbling at the first sign of pressure. In fact that is the whole conflict of the film. Audrey Peebles is a talented girl, as I am sure the rest of them are too. I can only hope that she finds another star vehicle to show off her skills after this movie fades into oblivion. This movie will not do well, and I am sad to say so. I had high hopes.

I Don’t Want to be a Feminist Any More

What do you call a woman flying a plane?

Give up?

A Pilot.

Most of you who are familiar with me on any level know that I am a pretty vocal feminist for the most part. It has been a gradual evolution over the course of my life and I won’t go into the details of it at this time. The thing is that once you step into that, once your eyes are opened to the reality of what it means to be a female in America, the constant media input as to what the expectations are about your body, your behavior, your role in society in relation to those around you, be they other women, men, children, your boss, your subordinates, etc. Once you see that you cannot unsee it.

There are constant reminders that it is the job of the female to exist in a state of constant prettiness as determined by outside forces, even to the detriment of her own sense of self-worth, physical well being and personal autonomy, and ignoring any body of knowledge, training or skills that said woman may possess.

Some time ago I stumbled across an opportunity to submit an essay to a contest, the subject being Feminist Utopia. My first thoughts were, hey, I’m a writer and a feminist. This should be easy!

But I sat down to write it, and…. nothing.

The more I thought about what a feminist utopia actually means to me in my very heart of hearts, the more I realized that a feminist utopia is…. utopia. Just a regular old plain vanilla utopia. Everyone has plenty of what they want and they get to live their lives according to their own choosing. For anyone and everyone. That’s it. That’s all.

Some time ago I walked to the library by myself. On the way I got catcalled no less than five times. Do I think it happened because I’m just so danged attractive as to cause people to descend into some primal mating response of making loud noises with so as to attract a viable female? No. I don’t think that.

To tell you the truth I cannot no matter how much I try figure out why people cat call. Has there ever in the history of the human race been an instance in which the woman stops what she is doing and chases down the car to gather the phone number of the catcaller because she was some overcome with desire? I don’t know. Not to my knowledge. The message I received after about the third cat call was that I am not allowed to be out in the world, simply existing in my own skin without inviting commentary no matter how rudimentary it may be. I am not allowed to walk down the street alone with my own thoughts without the shrill reminder thrown at me from passing car windows that I do not belong to myself.

Just ignore it.

Okay and then what. One has to have a certain level of awareness to ones surroundings when walking, whether it be in the woods, down a side walk, through a parking lot, through the middle of the tundra, wherever. As human animals it is vital to be aware of one’s surroundings. To “ignore” outside noises is irresponsible to one’s baser instincts of self protection. Sure, I could just keep walking without responding, but this is not the same as “ignoring”. The damage has already been done. The happy observation of the blue jay just up ahead has been interrupted. The idea that I was rolling around for another novel has been cut short. The inevitable sense of danger that raises the ‘fight or flight’ instinct has already been triggered. Ignoring is just not an option.

Take it as a compliment.

It is so hard to address this one, because once again cat calls and wolf whistles are not compliments. They are harassment. What this statement is really saying is that you don’t have a right to be upset. You don’t have the right to feel threatened. If you do, then the problem is with you. This invalidates a persons reaction probably more than any other statement, because not only are you forced to hear the message but also you are not allowed to have your feelings about it. They are not valid and you should not feel what you feel. Not only are you subjected to receiving the unwanted attention, but you are also forced to feel how we tell you to about it.

Don’t go walking alone.

Okay. Really? I am grown woman, forty years old. I should be able to go for a walk in my own neighborhood if I want to.

Next!

Thing is, once a person is aware of it. You can’t turn it off. I would have loved, LOVED to walk through my own neighborhood without the intrusion of verbal harassment. I would love to live in a world in which my children can play with whatever toys they want to without getting the stink eye. (Guess what. As long as they are at home they already do!) I would love to watch a movie and NOT notice the plunging neck lines, the gratuitous camera angles, the badly written story lines (forced romantic elements, anyone?). I would love to live in a world in which both men and women are seen as fully encompassed human beings, fully capable of existing within their own agency.

Someone asked me recently if I was “that” kind of feminist, you know, a man hating feminist. Um…

If I want equality, which is kind of the whole point, why would I hate that which I consider equal to myself? No, I’m not that kind of feminist, and I don’t know of many who are. Not personally, not theoretically. I have yet to find that stereotype of the man-hating she-beast who berates anything male as being less than. That is just the same problem over again, and the complete opposite of the goal of feminism.

I would love to be able to relax and just exist, being in the world in the manner that I see fit without having to fight just to walk down the street. Once that becomes a reality, I will happily no longer call myself a feminist.

In the mean time…

Jem Watch 2015

Okay, so yesterday the long anticipated trailer for the live action Jem and the Holograms movie was released. Yaaaay! Said throngs of fans awaiting the much hyped event, that is until they watched the it, when the internet cried out with a great collective “Really!!??”.

For those of you not in the know, Jem and the Holograms was a cartoon series aimed at viewers between the ages seven to twelve (and up. Let’s be real.) The story starred a young girl named Jerrica Benton who tragically looses her father and inherits the music company Starlight Music and the foster home for girls, the Starlight Foundation. She also is given information which leads her to a secret underground room, revealing the large computer A.I. called Synergy. Through the magic of technology, Synergy had the ability to project a hologram onto Jerrica allowing her to become Jem, the truly outrageous pop star and lead singer of the band, Jem and the Holograms.

Of course one of the CEO’s of Starlight Music, the dastardly Eric Raymond, wants nothing more than to unseat Jerrica Benton and take over the music company for himself. He did this by coming up with various schemes involving his own star vehicle, the Misfits (Their songs are better). The resulting show consisted of wonderful chemistry between the Holograms and their enigmatic leader, fighting to keep her company while raising money to keep the home open for the poor orphans, against the archvillians the Misfits, the self centered fame hungry starlets.

Add to that the, secret identity aspect of Jerrica and Jem as only very few know that they are in fact the same person. It was Hannah Montana before Miley was even born. There was her somewhat confusing relationship with Rio, who had no idea that they both one and the same. It always made me wonder why Jem/Jerrica never had a problem with the idea of him cheating on her with herself. But it made for good television, so whatevs.

But the secret identity thing was a huge part of the show. Huge. It created tension which drove the story. Several episodes consisted of the ‘will she make it in time’ plot line in which one girl is expected to be in one place while the other has an engagement across town, or even better, when they are both expected to be in the same place at the same time, leading the viewer to wonder, what will they do??? (It’s showtime Synergy!)

Skip ahead about thirty years. We are presented with this:

Of course, this is just the trailer, and it could be misleading. But right off the bat, there are SEVERAL things very, very wrong.

One: Jerrica is an ordinary girl living a most unexceptional life. As of yet, there is not indication of any tragic backstory other than a veiled reference to absent parents. She lives with her aunt (who seems fairly attentive and caring) along with her various foster sisters in what appears to be an ordinary house (not any kind of foundation for girls or anything so high-falutin’). When Jerrica’s music is discovered, they are flown to a very L.A.-esque city (I’m assuming) to be transformed into Jem, her famous alter ego. Thing is, EVERYONE KNOWS THEY ARE THE SAME PERSON!!!! This takes away a key element of dynamic tension within the show. The relationship with Rio can now be classified as Boring McDullsville because there is no more “Who does he actually like?” The specifics of Jem/Jerrica being at odds with herself is being internalized creating a very angsty vision of the character, completely different from the confident, dynamic Jem of the original cartoon.

Two: Erica Raymond, gender flipped and played by Juliette Lewis, will probably turn out to be more evil than what this trailer hints. In the original cartoon, Eric Raymond had known Jerrica’s father as they worked together at Starlight Music. His ongoing plans to foil Jerrica’s inheritance made him that much more dastardly, as his actions betrayed the legacy of Jerrica’s father because he was his former associate. In the live action trailer, it appears that Erica is simply a regular old evil record producer, with no familial connection to the Bentons. Also, Starlight Music does not seem to be in anyway affiliated with the Benton family name or the foster home. I could be wrong. Time will tell. Removing this element of the story takes away from Jerrica’s drive to keep the foster home open and to run Starlight Music. The original Jem showed that girls could aspire to be shrewd business women and philanthropists (as well as drenched-in-pink fabulous pop stars).

Three, where the heck is Synergy? The early eighties represented a time when the nation was on the cusp of a technological boom. The dawn of the computer age presented us with dreams of new possibilities that previously had seemed impossible and magical. It was the representation of magic through technology that allowed Jerrica to turn into Jem through the use of a pair of computerized earrings. This device allowed her to communicate with the super computer Synergy and transform herself into Jem. In the trailer, there is a very brief scene in which she touches her earring and whispers the famed line “It’s showtime, Synergy.” Time will tell what that is referencing, but so far it just seems as if she is a girl with a haircut and a change of clothes. The magic has literally been eradicated from the story.

Four, where the heck are the Misfits? Every hero needs a bad guy. Batman has Joker. Superman has Lex Luthor. Jem and the Holograms had the Misfits. You can’t have one without the other. This trailer indicates the equivalent of Superman roaming the streets of Metropolis wrestling with his inner turmoil of “Who am I, Clark Kent or Kal El?” That does not make for an interesting movie. The conflict has gone from Person vs. Person, to Person vs. Self. They are going to lose the supposedly targeted audience if they haven’t already.

At the end of the day, the movie may end up being scads better than the first trailor indicates. I would hope. If not, then what they have done is taken a beloved story with many appealing and empowering messages and story lines, and they have completely gutted it. They have attempted to make a movie for today’s tweens and preteens and I’m assuming girls. Problem is they have failed to recognize what today’s girl wants, a good story. I was ten when I watched the original cartoon. I knew then what a good story looked like. Today’s ten year olds have not been given as much credit.

Truly outrageous. And I don’t mean that in the good way.

Open Letter to a Colossal Asshat

Dear Sir,

 Your blog post (Found here, seriously go check it out. It’s a real treat!) regarding the practice of tipping a restaurant server has recently come to my attention and I have had the extreme honor to peruse your blog since that time. You have given a very concise and well researched list as to why tipping is something you choose not to practice when you dine at a restaurant. I would like, if I may, to respond to these reasons.

1. You act as if you’re my best friend

Your first concern is that in your estimation the wait staff seems to be too friendly towards you. There is a reason for this. When a person attends a restaurant, they are there not only for the food, but also for the ambiance. I know that is kind of a big word, so I will explain. Ambiance is the surroundings, decor and personality of the place which sets a certain mood and puts the patrons in a certain frame of mind. This includes the color of the walls, the type of wall hangings, the curtains, tablecloths, plates, glasses, and yes, even the personality of the wait staff. If the employer has a certain expectation of how the staff is to interact with the customers, then that is what they will do. If you do not wish for this interaction to occur, then you may get your food to go. Or better yet, keep your sorry self at home, learn to cook your own meals and leave us civilized folk alone.

2. You don’t get paid enough

Let me explain to you something about the restaurant industry. It is a Gratuity driven market. Big words again. I know. So let me break it down into smaller pieces so you can digest it more easily. The restaurant pays the servers for the side work and non-service elements of the job. When a customer chooses to sit down and purchase a meal from the establishment they immediately enter into a contract with the server, the person who brings them the food. That contract is an understanding that there is an exchange of services for the purpose of receiving compensation. YOU pay the server, because the server has done a job for you. Even if that job consists of nothing more than carrying a plate of food ten feet. (There is so much more involved, but I digress.) If you choose not to pay the server, then you have essentially become, not only an asshat, but also a thief. It is not fair to say that the server is not getting paid enough. No tip and the server is not getting paid. Period.

3. You’ll spit in my food if I don’t tip you?

I know it was a long time ago for your brain to remember, but if you really concentrate you may recall a few sentences ago when I alluded to what a server actually does besides carry a plate of food ten feet. The server takes the order from you, being certain to document all of the weird little “side of onions, no salsa” stuff that customers often like to specify. They bring you the beverage, then the rolls, in a timely fashion. Not too bad, so far. Then they must communicate to the kitchen what food you would like and how you want it prepared. This includes the “side of onions, no salsa” stuff that annoys the crap out of everyone who has ever worked in a restaurant ever. The kitchen then prepares the food and (pay attention because this is where it gets good) the server checks the food, makes sure it is what you ordered, makes sure there is extra onions and no salsa, (or whatever) and then gets it to your table while it is still hot. Now, this next step might require a little bit of concentration. Add about twenty more people doing the exact same thing as your server in a space only slightly larger than a phone booth all reaching for the plates, adding ramekins of dijon, and so on. Your server has brought you a hot plate of food from such an environment, free of any foreign debris. At least they did until you posted this article to which I am responding. You can rest assured that you have probably had your food spit upon plenty since the original publish date of your article.

4. Bringing me my food isn’t worthy of being paid extra

Please see number two. A server is not getting paid extra. A server is getting paid.

5. Money doesn’t grow on trees

Ah! Finally something that we can agree on! You are correct. Money doesn’t grow on trees. Therefore if a job has been performed then compensation must be given. It’s simple really. You try to say that leaving a tip for a server is akin to a favor, that is doing something that you don’t have to do. Okay, technically you don’t have to leave a tip, but neither do you have to go to a restaurant in the first place. Let’s expand on this idea for a moment. Say you have a busted pipe in your kitchen. You call a plumber. They come to your house and fix the pipe. You get charged for the replacement part and for the service rendered. I can see you perusing over the bill and casually saying “I’m not going to pay this silly old part because I don’t have to. I’d be doing that plumber a favor.” It doesn’t really work that way, does it. If you don’t want to pay for the service, then don’t call the plumber. Likewise, if you are not going to tip, then you should not set foot inside a restaurant. Period.

To sum up, I’d like to point out that the amount of karma that you have brought upon yourself by posting this article is worth far more than anything that I or anyone else could say to you. You are obviously a sad little man with who has drawn the short straw in life and feel the need to pick on those you perceive as less than you. I have no pretense of thinking that I can change your mind and heart into becoming a 20% tipper merely from reading my blog. But I take comfort in knowing that you have to wake up everyday and look in the mirror. You have to walk through your day with your own thoughts as your company. You have to go to sleep at night with the knowledge of your actions resting on your conscience. The anger and sadness that seeps through in your writing is more indicative of the kind of person that you are, and refusing to leave a tip is merely a symptom of your hubris. (I’ll let you look that one up all by yourself.) In closing, as you walk through life enjoying said karma, I have but one more question for you.

Would you like that for here or to go?